Maybe...if I can stop sabotaging myself!
Monday I weighed in with a challenge low and just barely hit my "150 pounds lost" Milestone. I have been teasing this number for three weeks and was determined to hit it this time. But what did I do Monday? I celebrated my new number by eating 3500 calories - small movie popcorn with butter, almost entire movie theater bag of Reese's Pieces (1200 cal for the whole bag in case you were wondering), chicken AND pork AND pie (granted is was low cal and sugar free but it was still something I didn't need) at our cookout, and a pork chop apple for dessert. Tuesday and Wednesday weren't too much better. I am up .8 pounds for the week.
For some reason, this number is scaring me. I am 20 pounds away from where I thought I would want to be to "try" for a baby. I am 50 pounds away from where I was when Chris and I started dating. I am 60 pounds away from being half of myself. I am 100 pounds away from a "healthy BMI" and 120 pounds away from my super stretch goal weight. The next time I go clothes shopping, I will be buying a size in the "teens" - I'm trying to remember the last time I wore this size and I think it was the summer of 2004. I am also now only 20 pounds heavier than Chris - when we started the challenge I was 85 lbs heavier and have weighed at least 20 lbs more than him the entire time we've been together.
I have a ton of mini goals on the horizon and each one of them is frightening me. I still don't know this "New Katie". Someone asked me recently if I can see the difference when I look at myself. I can see the difference if I look at pictures but when I look in the mirror, I still see the same old me - just with more loose skin. I hold up pants in my size and say, "These can't possibly fit me. They must be labeled incorrectly."
So for the rest of week - there ARE 4 more days left after all - I am going to exercise and make sure I stay under my 2000 calories. I may be scared of all these numbers but it doesn't mean I that I don't want to reach them!
2 comments:
Katie, you've accomplished so much! You should enjoy looking at yourself in the mirror now. If you kept a pair of pants you used to wear, hold them up to your body and let the positive changes sink into your head! Focus on all that you've done to improve yourself. You're still Katie, but a better, smarter and healthier Katie! Try not to fear the changes, but face them head on with pride!
:-)
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