Vacation

So, I went on a mini vacay this weekend with my mom. We went to the NY Sheep and Wool Festival on Saturday and spent Sunday and today in western MA. I had a good time, bought lots of yarn, went to MassMOCA, and ate ALOT. I had pamcakes, bacon, a hot dog, cheese fries, fried dough, lamb chops, chocolate decadence cake, french toast, more bacon, a calzone, onion rings, prime rib, mashed potatoes, pumpkin cheesecake, quiche, mudslide ice cream, peanut butter cookies, and mushroom and hamburger pizza. I was on a total vacation from my diet and I realized I have been for a long time because I don't really feel bad about it.

This is a current theme for me. I have 3 great days and then I get derailed and go off for weeks and the only thing that keeps me flat or losing overall is a gym schedule. Except I haven't even been keeping that up over the past two weeks. When it comes right down to it, at the very core of my difficulties, I love and live for food. I think about it all day long - I wake up and wonder what I'll have for breakfast; count the time until lunch and make myself wait until after noon to eat; most days I plan dinner 24 hours in advance and often time more. I love to cook and I never forget to eat. I hate to be hungry. I hate to sweat. Like, really hate to sweat. I like the way it feels when I am done working out though. However, I like the way it feels to be really full too.

I don't know how to live not overfull. Even when I'm totally ON, I find ways to stuff myself full of better options like fruit and rice cakes. To me, full is happy. I don 't have a happy ending for this post...it's what I'm struggling with and I hope someone can take comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones who feel that way or mayne offer some tips on how to live and love not feeling full.

PS - Chris is doing the update tomorrow because I have to weigh in. It's not going to be pretty folks.