Week 9 Update??

Hello??? Is anyone still there?

I did not get weight updates from ANYONE who does not live on Morris Street in Southbridge. It seems a bit pointless to do the update with only 2 teams who weighed in. Paula and John were flat for the week and Chris and I were up 5 pounds. I worked really hard during the week and on Saturday morning was down 3 pounds for the week but, I gave it all up on the weekend for a pizza, a cheesecake muffin, cheeseburgers and a dinner out with family.

I know that no one posts anymore. I am to blame for this also but, I'm wondering, does anyone come here to read anymore? Does anyone think about the calories that you are taking and the calories that you are burning anymore? Has everyone completely given up?

I had kind of given up but I had a reality check this weekend. My weight has been on a steady climb up since I went on vacation in November. I have gained 35 pounds from my challenge low on November 13, 2009. I pulled out my summer pants from last year - some were a size 20 and some were a size 18. The 18s that fit last year no longer zip up and the 20s that were too big almost don't button. I also looked at pictures with Paula and we came across some from my "wedding". I was 400+ pounds and I realized that if I do not drastically change what I am doing right now then I will end up back there again and that is the last thing I want.

I have been in a funk and have been making excuses to eat which is really easy to do! First it was the holidays, then we found out we couldn't buy a house, then John got sick. When does it end? It ends when I decide I've had enough and I've decided. I don't want to shop at Lane Bryant forever. I want to go on vacation (Chris an I have a deal that when we both get to 250, we will go away someplace exotic). I want to be healthy for my family.

I have been eating better this week and am down almost 4 pounds. I know that if I am good and practice self control that I can at least keep this loss for Monday, if not do more. I need to learn how to control my eating again and it is not easy. I don't think I ever REALLY did it. This screwed me up when I started going to the gym because I was hungrier than normal so I just ate more to compensate. Then I stopped going to the gym in February and have kept up with my extra eating. Once I get my eating and portions under control again, I will start heavy workouts so that I know I can do both - control my food and my exercise.

I have always thought old pictures of my thinner self would motivate me to lose weight - the drive to look like that again. However, the best "thinspiration" for me was my extremely heavy picture. It will remind me that I don't want to go back there and to do that, I need to continue to change my life.